do you ever feel like the amount of work you put into things just isn't worth it for what you get back?
i've been feeling totally aggro lately. so wrapped up in tasks, and to-do lists. i go to work, only to come home and do more work. on the weekends, i go to the studio to record, which in theory should be one of life's pleasures. but when there's been no break in my other responsibilities, it too can seem like a chore.
if i'm not doing that, then surely there's other things to be done. perhaps house work, or practicing, or even blog stuff. squeezing time in to talk to friends and family can be a challenge as well, and then you're isolated to boot.
it all adds up. and sometimes i feel like my time is being wasted, and i'm missing out on life because of my obsessive drive to pursue goals that don't ever really lead to anything, anyway.
i look at other people's lives, people who (seemingly) have all the things i want. and i think "wow, look at how easy it is for them."
but in my heart, i know it's never as easy as it looks. not for anyone. furthermore, in my life's experience, nothing good has EVER come from me comparing myself or my fortune to someone else's. not one single thing. yet i can't stop doing it.
so i decided i needed to extricate some of this aggression, and went for a run tonight. at first, i tried a little too hard to keep up with matt, and nearly vomited from exhaustion. then we turned a corner, and full of endorphins, we found ourselves looking at the williamsburg bridge... what a wonderful moment. how lucky we were to be able to have it.
taking time out for things like this is so essential, but i don't do it enough. and to make it even more complicated, these experiences can't always be simply experienced! sometimes they have to be cultivated, even hunted for.
it can be hard. or more like, fucking impossible. but is so worth it when that peace is found. it has the power to turn my completely stressful week into a feeling of abundance, and gratefulness for being alive.
sigh. well anyway, i hope this post isn't too livejournal-y/ existential. it's nice to go beyond outfits and hairstyles sometimes to get to the nitty gritty, right?
if you've been overly stressed, maybe take a moment to give yourself some space... you probably really need it.