you guysss, being home in rhode island last weekend made me totally homesick.
misquamicut beach, pictures from last summer
i especially miss the beaches, and specifically this one. after 6pm is the best time to go :)
i grew up there. i spent every summer since i was born there. and whenever i return, i realize it's something i'd been missing that i hadn't remembered until that moment. it cleanses me, and it's a part of who i am.
more than that, i wonder what would've become of me if i'd never been ambitious enough to move away. would i be married? would i have a house? kids?
the idea of those things bored me to tears once upon a time, and sent me screaming into the arms of an artist's lifestyle. and well, they still bore me to tears. and i wouldn't change my decisions one bit. i've always made the best ones i could given the circumstances.
but sometimes... just sometimes... i wish for the simple charm of a simple life with simple goals.
when i go home, i am reminded that i could've had these things, and chose not to.
and i have to ask myself... am i done here yet? what do i hope to accomplish? what do i hope to prove? what is it that i'm looking for? and finally, when is it time to "settle?"
i'm not sure. i wish i knew. seeing other people live their lives the simple way used to completely repel me, but now i see the value in it.
on the other side of the coin, i can romanticize all i want. but if a magic genie made it so that i could move out of the city, get my old bank teller job back, and work there for the next 40 years in exchange for a house and "security," i think i'd choke myself to death.
still, i can't help but think that someday i'll just be an old lady... walking the beach every night, collecting shells. maybe with a partner, maybe not. maybe with a daughter or son. maybe with a dog. maybe still updating the ole' blog (if blogs are still in style.) maybe, maybe, maybe.
"what ifs." they do no good...