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April 16, 2012

coffee talk...

coffee


this weekend was a little bit sad and lonely.

i was basically having a tantrum on saturday, and barely got to enjoy the beautiful weather outside. i was procrastinating on doing my taxes, worrying about the release party, and feeling really overwhelmed by a lot of responsibilities in my life.

i started organizing a getaway of epic proportions. i'd escape new york, and buy a beach cottage in rhode island (somehow!) i could just forget everything that i've been working towards for the past ten years. i'd pop out a few kids and become a stay-at-home mom! that seems like it's what i'm supposed to want, so why delay the inevitable?

i'm not in any way invalidating the experiences of sahms. but at that moment, it just seemed like so much more of a direct route to something attainable, as well as a society-validated way to live life. doing the nyc-artist-freelancer-make-my-own-way thing... it just feels like i'm fighting against the tide.

it all gets very tiring sometimes.


chan close


i eventually drew a hot bath, and started to ask the universe what i should do. i start to remember that without fail, the times in my life when i've had the most faith are the times when everything fall into place.

i start to remember that things boil down to control and acceptance.

i have to accept that i fall short of my (very high) expectations of myself. a lot.

i accept that i can't control everything in my life, and no one can. control and power is such an illusion. yet so important for people to feel safe.

i accept that i may not have everything i want, but i've got a lot. and i'm so lucky to be living this life. that not only my life, but ALL our lives are unique, wonderful, and special in so many ways. every single person on the planet's experiences are worth something valuable.


chantillyshy


tomorrow is my cd release.

i'm going to ignore the voices that are telling me i "should" be doing "better", whatever that means.

it's amazing that i even got to make a cd. that people i don't even know are congratulating me, listening, BUYING, and telling me how awesome it is. i'm grateful for that. i dreamed of that all my life.


thank you for reading my blog, and if you've listened to, or purchased my music. i'll see you tomorrow. with a glint in my eye, and a spring in my step :)


xoxo

chantilly

13 comments:

  1. Aww, I'd love to come see you and just give you a hug!

    I really feel like you're talking about me... throwing a tantrum, feeling overwhelmed with everything, having much too high expectations of myself - that's all SO me.
    But you're right, we have to accept that we can't control everything, even though we'd love to.

    I'm so excited for your cd release. I'm sure everything's going to be great!

    ♥ ♥

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  2. What a lovely blog you have! Thanks you for the inspiring words. Good luck on your release! :)

    -Joi
    http://joyful-wife-joiful-life.blogspot.com

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  3. I know how you feel. I don't know if this is how it is with you, but a dread tax time ever year because I always end up owing and all of the sudden the lives of all of my traditionally employed friends start looking so much better because they're talking about how they're going to spend their refund on a handbag or whatever.

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  4. I can't even imagine how tough the life of an artist must be! All the pressure, competition, uncertainties, exposure, people.

    You should be very proud of yourself and happy about what you have achieved. But not in a conformist way, eh? Think about all you had to go through as a training process for what's to come. There are so many people who believe you're truly talented; people who don't even know you in person! Your talent is not an illusion, it's real; you should take the credit for that :). So, be proud! We are all! And if there's something you think I can do for you, here I am! ;D

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  5. Good luck with the cd release tomorrow! It's INCREDIBLE and you should be very very very proud! <3

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  6. i think its normal for you to have a little breakdown after working so hard on your album and stuff.. But dont be so hard on yourself,you are doing well! you just make a beautiful album..and people are loving it! lots of artist spend a lifetime talking about what they could do without ever doing it..So you should be proud of yourself , you are making it happen!!! enjoy the moment:)...Tomorrow is your release party!! You should doing a little victory dance!!! you are talented ,young, pretty and YOU RELEASED AN ALBUM...and that is f*&king COOL!!!!!!!;)
    x

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  7. Sing it, Chantilly! You are speaking my language! I have these tantrums every now and then too, and my Hubs is, like you, a singer/songwriter making his mark on the world... he has these tantrums too :)
    It's natural and human, and soul shakingly life affirmative in the end :)
    Sending you the best of success with your CD launch tomorrow (eek! Exciting!!) and with shaking off the funk! :)
    Thanks again for your sweet comment and link the other day!!!
    Hugest of hugs,
    Sway x

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  8. So excited for you!!! I really wish I could be there at the launch in person :) Seriously, you have accomplished so much, much more than most people. I admire you for going to the beat of your own drum and being so independent. I wish you well!

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  9. Yay! So excited for you :) and I definitely know how that whole tantrum thing goes -- I had one of those today. But life goes on and we have the ability to make it a good or a bad life...let's make it good (holy cow, that sounded so corny) ;)

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  10. Awwww, sweetie. We all feel this way some times, so if it makes you feel any better you are not alone. You are just human—a beautiful, special human :)

    Good luck with CD release! If I was in your neck of the woods I would totally be there.

    xoxo
    C

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  11. I have listened to your CD. Its beautiful! Wonderful wonderful music
    x
    www.thegirlwiththeglassfeet.blogspot.com

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  12. First of all I just have to say that you'd be surprised how much of society does not validate that career - if that helps your mood any.

    Second of all, it's so hard to do what's right when everyone else thinks it's so wrong. I've been in the same boat myself, a lot, and the only thing that keeps me going usually is the knowledge that God has a plan for my life. And even if I can't see His plan I know it's there, and I know that if I just do the right thing it'll work out somehow. :)

    Hope you're feeling better today. :)

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  13. I listened to your CD for the first time today and I am IN LOVE.

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thank you for taking the time to leave a comment :) i appreciate your thoughts.

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