May 01, 2012

cd release ~ the hangover

chantilly party 9

i love projects. and i guess you could say music was always my ultimate "project." nothing feels better than having a dedicated purpose. and making this ep was a reason to wake up in the morning on many mornings...

when i was in high school, i never had a concrete idea of "what i wanted to do" with my life. i knew i was continually annoyed by society's insistence that i should know. and by my guidance counselor, who would always call me to her office, pressuring me to make life-altering decisions about the next 40 years.

i eventually went to community college, and started taking music classes. i found it was the only thing that intrigued me, and that i had the slightest inclination towards. so i made the decision to move forward to 4-year college, pursuing a degree in songrwriting and composition. at the time, the economy hadn't collapsed yet, and it was a perfectly okay thing to "follow your heart" and "reach for your dreams," without being chastised for not choosing a "viable career option." just as long as you were getting an education for SOMETHING, you were good.

my generation had the impression that so long as you work hard and kept your eye on the prize, ANYTHING was possible...

and well... i'm not going to say it's not true... it certainly has been for some. for me- it's been a long haul, but i've hung in there. i've gone from being an big fish in a small pond, to being a small fish in a big pond, to being an even SMALLER FISH in an even BIGGER POND, to basically feeling like an amoeba floating in the atlantic ocean.

but i've always vowed to get better, and i have. i've met almost all of my goals. the problem is, after ten years of meeting (and exceeding) my goals in music, they still don't pay the bills. and it's frustrating.

making this cd, and seeing and hearing the finished product feels so much more wonderful than i can describe. immediately, i start thinking "what about the next one!" but i don't know when and if that's going to happen. you can spend sooooo much time, energy, and money creating and nurturing a project. but when all is said and done, there are no guarantees of success.

fortunately, i've had a lot of help with both of my previous albums... the costs weren't NEARLY as much as they could've been. it's actually been a huge blessing to have these people in my life who have been such a help. but i can't call on friends for favors forever, nor do i want to.

what i'm trying to say is, i really, really hope that i can continue to record more of my songs someday. but i just look around, i crunch the numbers, factor in the effort put in by myself and everyone else, and i say "how?"

knowing myself, i'll find a way to make it happen again. but i think the key is not worrying whether or not it will.

the funny thing is, i feel like i've been affecting more people than ever. people i've never met have been regularly emailing me, telling me how much they love my music. i just received a message from an acquaintance, telling me how much of an inspiration i've been to her, and it brought tears to my eyes.

i think i've been measuring "success" in the wrong way- financial. making money is society's only idea of success. but it's not true.

as i keep trudging on, i keep learning to enjoy the successes that matter- lovely comments, emails, and messages i get from people who care. and the love you give and receive to people- possibly the most important thing.

live another day. maybe see another project to completion. maybe sit with a glass of wine, thinking "thank god there are no more damn projects to complete." who knows...



  1. Wow--you're voice is really beautiful! Don't ever give up on your dreams. I put my dreams aside for a career that paid the bills and now all I do is daydream about quitting that job and selling everything I have so that I can live in a tiny rv and sew!
    You'll make it....just don't give up!

  2. I am currently listening to your songs and they are so beautiful and mellow. I love them and your voice is beautiful.

    I will go ahead and share your music as a way to try to spread the word since your songs are worth sharing. Keep on recording and don't ever give up.

  3. thank you so much, ruthie and jackie! i want you guys to know that i am honestly, totally not fishing for compliments, though. these are just some frustrations i wanted to voice- many artists know them well. but i appreciate that you like my music :)

    jackie- i always kinda knew that i wouldn't be happy with a career that "just paid the bills," so i've spent most of my time chasing the rainbow. now sometimes i wish i'd just been "smart", put my dreams on hold, and become a tax attorney or whatever. i guess either way, it's hard to have a life that's totally fulfilling. i think it's possible, but it's hard. good luck in whatever you decide to pursue!

    ruthy- thank you so much for your encouragement.


  4. You are such an inspiration Chantilly...even if it's not something you can concretely measure, you are still warming the hearts of more people than you know.

    Can I just tell you...I began writing my first song again in a very long time. Writing and playing music has been near and dear to my heart from the first time I started playing piano at the age of 5. It's such a comforting escape and a passion...even if only for my own pleasure. The hustle and bustle known as life has pulled me away from these roots...until recently, listening to your album, reading your blog, etc. etc. Something was missing...and I feel like I found it again. Not to sound melodramatic...but you know what I mean? So thank you, for just doing what your doing and just genuinely being you. Love ya lady!

    Even if it's not evident yet, bigger things are ahead on the horizon for you, I'm sure:) xx Marisa

  5. I think you make a really good point about there being different ways to define success. It's something I end up thinking about a lot, especially in terms of musical ventures.

    I remember when I first started encouraging the boyfriend to follow his dream of having his own recording studio, he was really hung up on the fact that none of the projects he'd worked on previously went anywhere... He was associating his success with how well the band did with selling albums and gaining fame, and was left disappointed when albums never ended up being released and bands fell apart. Which is SO not how you should be measuring success as a sound engineer because you're going to have a a LOT of disappointments that way.

    To me, a successful project (as a studio and/or engineer) is one where you're empowering the musicians to make the best album that they can.

  6. i am so glad you are following your dreams— even when that requires so much re-evaluation and frustration. i saw so many of my friends go through college programs they hated or knew they weren't going to pursue after graduation so when i realized i was doing it too— I knew it was time to change my ways.

    the music industry is gigantic and it's easy to compare yourself to others (as with a lot of creative fields), but i think in the end you can only compare yourself to the YOU of the past and if you are improving at all then that is what matters. maybe that sounds cheesy but i've found it's the only thing that works for me.

    i recently decided to actually pursue cake decorating as a career and it's so easy to look at pictures of huge amazing wedding cakes and be depressed because i can't do that. instead, i make sure i am practicing whenever i can and i try to only compare what i have made to what i made in the past so then i can see the improvements. i am not saying it's easy— i am far from being able to pay the bills with it, but i guess i am just saying that i can definitely relate to you on some levels. security vs satisfaction vs success is always a tough call no matter how you weigh it! all i know is i hope you don't give up because i am really enjoying your music <3

  7. I'm in my mid-thirties now and I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up :) What you've just accomplished is amazing! I totally understand the disillusionment you're feeling. It's so hard to not measure yourself based on money and sadly the older you are, the more that becomes a reality. Don't worry, if making the next album is what you really want to do, you'll find a way to do it! Yes, go have that drink of wine :) And remember, you're amazing!

  8. Awe, Chantilly! You're such a big inspiration! Part of why I look up to you so much is the fact that you pursue your dream even when it's not financially profitable right now. You're true to yourself and your music, and you're talented. I SO want you to make it! ;D

  9. awww, you guyssssss......

    man, i totally didn't mean to make this into a why-i'm-such-an-inspiration-fest but some of your comments have me crying and smiling!

    marisa- it's amazing to me that you say i've awakened your musical side. that's just... i feel so honored, i don't even know what to say! love you too :))

    nikkiana- exactly. i mean... the streets are crawling with talented people in new york. most of them sadly never get the recognition they deserve. it's just part of the gamble you take as an artist. so any recognition you DO get? learn to cherish it with every fiber of your being, and use it as fuel to keep you going. it's not just about money/ fame... and yes, in music ESPECIALLY this should never be the case.

    kittycat- i agree. comparing is the WORST, and has sucked so much energy and joy out of my life at times, it's almost embarrassing to admit. over the years, i've gotten better at not subjecting myself to that self-torture. however, sometimes when a negative thought pattern is brought back in, it's hard to stop doing. good luck with your cake decorating!! that sounds like an amazing career path <3

    andrea- yes. as time goes by, i am definitely feeling more and more pressure that i "should" want other certain things, rather than the ones that i actually do. the fact is that i feel so behind in terms of the things i want to accomplish. it can't possibly be time for me to start thinking about house/ family/ kids/ etc, yet it is. it's so confusing. well, i've always been a late bloomer, but it sounds like you are too :) and i think secretly, 99% of people have no clue what they *really* want to do, anyway...

    miki- as always, you are a ray of sunshine :) thank you for your kind words and encouragement! xoxoxo 4-eva.

  10. Unfortunately we are ingrained with the idea that success is measured financially. We all need to get that out of our freakin' heads! You just accomplished such an amazing thing and maybe some time to just chill and enjoy it would be good for you? Then the next ideas will start flowing! I'm a late bloomer too and another girl in her 30s still trying to figure it out... xoxo

  11. love your blog girlie! saw you on on caseys page {thewiegands} & i'm happy to be your newest bloggy friend <3

    would love for you to visit back sometime and become one of mine as well!

    happy saturday!

  12. Just discovered your blog, and I'm listening to your music now. What a beautiful voice and great song! It's so great to see another singer/songwriter with a blog! I wish you all of the best success with your music!


thank you for taking the time to leave a comment :) i appreciate your thoughts.

© Chantilly ~ | All rights reserved.
Blog Design Handcrafted by pipdig