May 01, 2012
cd release ~ the hangover
i love projects. and i guess you could say music was always my ultimate "project." nothing feels better than having a dedicated purpose. and making this ep was a reason to wake up in the morning on many mornings...
when i was in high school, i never had a concrete idea of "what i wanted to do" with my life. i knew i was continually annoyed by society's insistence that i should know. and by my guidance counselor, who would always call me to her office, pressuring me to make life-altering decisions about the next 40 years.
i eventually went to community college, and started taking music classes. i found it was the only thing that intrigued me, and that i had the slightest inclination towards. so i made the decision to move forward to 4-year college, pursuing a degree in songrwriting and composition. at the time, the economy hadn't collapsed yet, and it was a perfectly okay thing to "follow your heart" and "reach for your dreams," without being chastised for not choosing a "viable career option." just as long as you were getting an education for SOMETHING, you were good.
my generation had the impression that so long as you work hard and kept your eye on the prize, ANYTHING was possible...
and well... i'm not going to say it's not true... it certainly has been for some. for me- it's been a long haul, but i've hung in there. i've gone from being an big fish in a small pond, to being a small fish in a big pond, to being an even SMALLER FISH in an even BIGGER POND, to basically feeling like an amoeba floating in the atlantic ocean.
but i've always vowed to get better, and i have. i've met almost all of my goals. the problem is, after ten years of meeting (and exceeding) my goals in music, they still don't pay the bills. and it's frustrating.
making this cd, and seeing and hearing the finished product feels so much more wonderful than i can describe. immediately, i start thinking "what about the next one!" but i don't know when and if that's going to happen. you can spend sooooo much time, energy, and money creating and nurturing a project. but when all is said and done, there are no guarantees of success.
fortunately, i've had a lot of help with both of my previous albums... the costs weren't NEARLY as much as they could've been. it's actually been a huge blessing to have these people in my life who have been such a help. but i can't call on friends for favors forever, nor do i want to.
what i'm trying to say is, i really, really hope that i can continue to record more of my songs someday. but i just look around, i crunch the numbers, factor in the effort put in by myself and everyone else, and i say "how?"
knowing myself, i'll find a way to make it happen again. but i think the key is not worrying whether or not it will.
the funny thing is, i feel like i've been affecting more people than ever. people i've never met have been regularly emailing me, telling me how much they love my music. i just received a message from an acquaintance, telling me how much of an inspiration i've been to her, and it brought tears to my eyes.
i think i've been measuring "success" in the wrong way- financial. making money is society's only idea of success. but it's not true.
as i keep trudging on, i keep learning to enjoy the successes that matter- lovely comments, emails, and messages i get from people who care. and the love you give and receive to people- possibly the most important thing.
live another day. maybe see another project to completion. maybe sit with a glass of wine, thinking "thank god there are no more damn projects to complete." who knows...
Labels: coffee talk
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