May 17, 2012

coffee talk ~ marry yourself

hand


people often see this ring and assume i'm married... even though it's on my right hand.

i bought it for myself when i got my first "real" job out of high school. my mother was working at the local casino, so she helped me score a front desk position at their newly constructed five-star hotel.

it was my first taste of "big money" ($8 an hour!!) and even though it was only three days a week, i had no rent or bills except for a car payment. so i did what any dysfunctional girl with a surplus of cash would: i compulsively shopped.

i bought cd's, ugly sweaters, novelty t-shirts, and girly lingerie.

i was very depressed and lonely.

on one trip to the mall, i ended up happening by the macy's counter and purchasing this white gold ring for $59. it is the one item from that time period that actually ended up lasting.


since then, i've had a lot of experiences, and gone through great self-transformations. the sadness isn't completely behind me, but i've always gotten through it and will continue to do so. unconsciously, i feel like i've kept this ring for so long as sort of a marriage pact to myself. a promise to never leave me.

it's not that romantic relationships aren't and shouldn't be important to us. of course they are. but i could never understand people's obsession with them. all those souls out there scurrying and worrying over finding the one to "complete them..." but that will never happen because they are already complete.

some perspective on you: you lack nothing. you are not broken. you are not a puzzle. you are simply an imperfect, amazing human. and you can't have a healthy relationship with another imperfect, amazing human without knowing this first.

so make a pact... never leave you. don't push yourself down so that someone else can feel better. don't sacrifice your feelings to make someone else more comfortable. don't tell yourself those negative garbage lies.

show yourself the love and kindness that you would a child.


don't get me wrong, some people are the type to flourish under harsh criticism and scrutiny.

i have never been one of those people.


it's kindness.

support.

love.




chantilly


chantilly

♥ listen to my new record on bandcamp

54 comments:

  1. yes. you nailed it. <3

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  2. That was cute. And inspiring. Thanks for sharing :)

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  3. Perfectly put in words. Thanks you! I completely agree! <3

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  4. I think I did a blog way back when (most likely 2006) about this same thing! After my divorce I married myself. Ring and all. It was a reminder of my renewed commitment to myself and my two boys. I still have the ring, too! (Although I wear different ones now as a remarried lady.)

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  5. great post! I don't have a ring, but I could be married to myself. I get the concept and like it very very much.

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  6. thanks everyone for the <3

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  7. Love this post. A lot. Just what I needed to hear today, so thank you. <3

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  8. That's a beautiful, inspiring story! It can be easy to blame yourself for stuff, or not be as true to yourself as you should- and it shouldn't be that way! Thanks for this, it was beautiful. :)

    Rose Eva
    Silhouetted

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  9. This is such a beautiful, important message--thanks for sharing your story! I completely believe in the importance of loving yourself first; if you can't offer unconditional, supportive love to yourself, how can you ever expect to be able to offer it to someone else?
    Your ring is a great reminder of a lesson that will serve you (and everyone else brave enough to learn it) very well!
    C Marcia (Sequins)

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  10. Ah, so good! Gosh I love that little "perspective on you" bit...so simple and so true. I think I might use this with some young girls I mentor:) Inspiring story Chantilly!

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  11. I really enjoyed reading this. I hope that you keep up this spirit and mentality. Around our age I notice people rushing to get married and do all of these large symbolic gestures to maybe validate themselves. But you are so right, everyone should already feel validated because we all ARE already amazing. You're really an incredible human. :-)

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  12. this is beautiful. i love it.

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  13. Beautifully said. I went through a major compulsive shopping faze when I got my first restaurant job, had more cash than I ever had before, and was lonely/bored. Sooo ended up regretting it as I was donating all the crap I'd wasted money on. Ah well, live and learn and grow. I love that last photo of you- so pretty!!

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  14. That is a beautiful sentiment, and I love that you bought that ring for yourself to remind you of that vow to yourself. :)

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  15. That's such a beautiful post! It's really interesting cause here in Lithuania married couples wear their rings on the right hand. :)

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  16. I always get asked if I'm married too - and my ring is on the right hand! <3

    x
    Lost in the Haze: a Fashion Photography Blog

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  17. I love this post, Chantilly, and the pact you've made with yourself! I agree to every single word you've said.

    Oh, there are so many things I'd like to tell you about my life years ago, but I'd rather do it privately. I know I've said so before and I promise I'll do it soon.

    Have a great weekend! ;D

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  18. I loved this post miss Chantilly. Such beautiful beautiful words. Well said.

    <3 Leney

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  19. Wonderful post, absolutely beautiful xo

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  20. What a great post and such a lovely little reminder to safe some love for yourself. I agree whole heartedly.

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  21. I love this! Thank you for sayinng it so well.

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  22. this is so sweet you ceetainly deserve a treat! THank you for inspiring me

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  23. So sweet, thanks for sharing this! ♥

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  24. love this post! love love! I'm very happily single but I sometimes get down because all my other friends have boyfriends or are getting married. I can actually get quite depressed about it but then I think that boyfriends or husbands will not make me happy. Only I can make myself happy.

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  25. Perfectly said and real food for thought. I have a gold ring I bought myself a long time ago, that represents a whole different time in my life too. I don't wear it all the time because I change my rings everyday, but by complete coincidence I had that one on yesterday!

    Loulou

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  26. Such a inspirational post. You have a lovely heart! :)

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  27. very beautiful post! im glad to hear you value yourself and sadly there are a lot of people out there who don't! you cannot be in a healthy relationship without first valuing yourself and healthy relationships will help you continue to grow as a person and help someone else do the same :)

    -Jessica
    http://runninginsideus.blogspot.com/

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  28. Thats some great posting there! Thanks a bunch for the inspirational words. Its what I needed to hear :P

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  29. This is such an amazing post. Love, love, LOVE this!

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  30. so inspiring, chantilly! almost burst me into tears as it's kinda reminiscent of my own personal story. i am even thinking of sharing my story in a blog post too.

    this post is really beautiful. it's not everyday i get to read a blog post like this that moves me in a special way. thank you so much, chantilly! keep blogging! :)

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  31. This is a beautiful post with such a lovely message!! It was only awhile ago that I really learnt to love myself; if you don't love and stand by yourself, you can't expect anyone else to.

    x Aliya
    www.hillsidestory.net
    Shabby Apple $50 Giftcard Giveaway

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  32. such a lovely post! :) x

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  33. What an awesome post. I just found your blog and reading this was so inspiring, refreshing, and ahonest. It definitely makes me want to read a little more and get to know you Chantilly.

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  34. This is so wonderful and beautiful and inspiring! Words to live by.

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  35. beautiful beautiful words Chantilly, thank you for sharing such an important message.This was def something I needed to remind myself of more often when looking to complete something I didnt' even know what.
    http://dusanabotswana.com/

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  36. how sweet! loved this post.=)

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  37. you guys...

    i can't even believe how many of you were touched by this little anecdote. if i can even help one person realize something good about themselves, i consider my job done. seriously, more than anything, it's probably my life's work.

    thank you again for sharing your love and stories. more to come :) xx

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  38. Amazing. Thanks for taking the time to write this - it is absolutely beautiful. :)

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  39. What a great reminder and one that I definitely needed to hear after pondering a major life decision.

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  40. This may be one of my favourite blog posts. Ever.

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  41. beautifully said. beautiful post and I love it.
    I never understood the need and PRESSURE we are dealt to marry and build a traditional family asap...
    so love this post.
    xoxo.
    Des.

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  42. this is just great! I never really thought of it that way. Thank you for writing this:D
    ♥Meagan

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  43. "show yourself the love and kindness that you would a child." beautiful.

    (ok, escape makes me cry too. your music is amazing! please come to philly!=)

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  44. I share these sentiments completely! I have also done this on numerous occasion, though the rings never last but the pact always does <3

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  45. Still love this post. Just came across it again in my bookmarks. :)
    Hope you are doing well!

    <3 Leney

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  46. This is just wonderful. I want to make a similar pact:)

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  47. You just inspired me to do the same! I bought myself a pretty sterling silver 5 stacking hammered rings fro Etsy. Hand made ;) even better! My boyfriend won't get down on one knee and ask for marriage.... so screw it. I will marry myself!

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  48. That's it...I'm marrying myself! Such a great post, loving your blog x

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thank you for taking the time to leave a comment :) i appreciate your thoughts.

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