Thursday, May 17, 2012
coffee talk ~ marry yourself
people often see this ring and assume i'm married... even though it's on my right hand.
i bought it for myself when i got my first "real" job out of high school. my mother was working at the local casino, so she helped me score a front desk position at their newly constructed five-star hotel.
it was my first taste of "big money" ($8 an hour!!) and even though it was only three days a week, i had no rent or bills except for a car payment. so i did what any dysfunctional girl with a surplus of cash would: i compulsively shopped.
i bought cd's, ugly sweaters, novelty t-shirts, and girly lingerie.
i was very depressed and lonely.
on one trip to the mall, i ended up happening by the macy's counter and purchasing this white gold ring for $59. it is the one item from that time period that actually ended up lasting.
since then, i've had a lot of experiences, and gone through great self-transformations. the sadness isn't completely behind me, but i've always gotten through it and will continue to do so. unconsciously, i feel like i've kept this ring for so long as sort of a marriage pact to myself. a promise to never leave me.
it's not that romantic relationships aren't and shouldn't be important to us. of course they are. but i could never understand people's obsession with them. all those souls out there scurrying and worrying over finding the one to "complete them..." but that will never happen because they are already complete.
some perspective on you: you lack nothing. you are not broken. you are not a puzzle. you are simply an imperfect, amazing human. and you can't have a healthy relationship with another imperfect, amazing human without knowing this first.
so make a pact... never leave you. don't push yourself down so that someone else can feel better. don't sacrifice your feelings to make someone else more comfortable. don't tell yourself those negative garbage lies.
show yourself the love and kindness that you would a child.
don't get me wrong, some people are the type to flourish under harsh criticism and scrutiny.
i have never been one of those people.
♥ listen to my new record on bandcamp ♥