November 26, 2012
Get off the guilt train
Wow, I feel like it's been so long since I've come here to write, even though it's only been three days. How was everyone's weekend? Due to traveling, I really couldn't fit anything but basics in my suitcase. So that means no style photos this week :( I suppose I could''ve just taken photos anyway, in my jeans and t-shirt, but I guess I was just too lazy :P
Anyway, I've been thinking about the subject of this post for a long time, and how I wanted to present it. I once read the exact title line in snippet of magazine text years ago. You know how magazines always have those random little insets with what's in a celebrity's makeup bag, or what's the "it" color eyeshadow this season. Well if you can believe it, they had one about letting go of guilt, which I always thought was pretty cool.
It randomly popped in my head recently, and prompted me to think about what I've been guilty about lately. I found that this happens way too much, and is the root of a lot of dissatisfaction. Especially as women, I think we're more conditioned to feel this way.
So I wanted to make a declaration.
I hereby release these unnecessary sources of guilt into the wind once I name them. They are as follows:
Not being inspiring/ inspired enough
It's tough to keep up with a blog, and other creative activities when you've got a life to live. And it's even tougher when you compare yourself to the people who seem to be able to do it all- people baking the perfect cupcakes in their perfect kitchens, frolicing in fields in whimsical outfits. It's easy to believe that those people don't have their own problems, but it's just not true.
I run into trouble when I strive to portray myself this way. Sadly, it's just not me. I know that posts like the one you're reading might not bring in the pageviews, but they are real, and they are how I feel.
It's not that I don't love to feel girly and magical. I do. I just need some reality thrown in for good measure.
Not being creative enough
When we worry about things in general, we block our creativity. And I tend to be a huge worrywort. I've always needed some guidance to get me back on track whenever I fall into the doldrums. Luckily, I just picked up the book "The Artist's Way," which is turning out to be pretty great so far. It helps to clear your mind of blocks, and get you in a more creative mindset.
Still. You don't need to beat yourself up every time you do fall into a lull. Actually, I think it's part of the process sometimes. You can't be brilliant every second. And you can always remind yourself... the inspiration will come. You have not lost anything.
I love getting comments, and I love all the lovely people who leave them to me! But I get this nagging feeling that I need to answer every single one, and I feel bad if I don't live up to that expectation. It can take hours sometimes to go through and respond- and I usually try to do so here AND at your website. I'm just one human. I'm going to stop putting so much pressure on myself.
Not Booking Enough Shows
There's a voice inside that tells me that I need to play more shows. Then, there's another voice that tells me to remember all the times I've played shows before, and have been disappointed. A lot of performing experiences have been great for me. But doing the club circuit in NYC (and beyond) is a grind. It's a lot of pressure to promote and bring enough people. If I fall short, I usually feel more horrible than I need to. Also, as a musician, I have this feeling that I'm "supposed" to want to perform. It's okay that I don't sometimes.
Not being "successful" enough
I've been through this with myself way too many times. The comparing game gets no one nowhere. Yet we still do it. It's a drain on your spirit, your heart, and your creativity. I often think "if I had just done this different." Of "if I just had this one thing" things would turn out differently.
But you are you. You have the things you have. The skills, tools, talent you have all belong to you. The universe gave those things to you, and just because they are not fitting into your definition of "success," it does not mean you aren't.
There! I feel so much more free after acknowledging these energy suckers, and setting them free.
Do you have anything that holds you back?
Guilt or otherwise?
Set them free in the comments. xx
♥ listen to my new record on bandcamp ♥
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