my life | Chantilly

my life



pretty much every day has been looking like this lately. me and my macbook buddy, who allows me such wonderful access to the world. and who crashes iphoto every time i try to edit anything (gah!)

i'm lost in the computer most of the time. yet every day when i consult with my heart and my soul for guidance, it tells me it wants me to create.

i try not to be judgemental at this. i try not to become cynical about art and the world, but it's happening again. i find myself frequently doubting that a creative path was ever really meant for me at all.

so many things i thought were meant for me have slipped through my fingers as easily as a stick of butter. i'm scared to believe in it one more time, lest everything come crashing down again.

but well. i've got some free time now... nothing more for me to do than buck up and obey my heart's desire. there are worse things in the world than actually having the time to pursue your dreams. and it's better than sitting around, worrying and brooding.

i've never felt so lost, and i've never felt so sure of myself. does this make sense?



  1. Give more when you feeling like giving up...

  2. Anonymous8/10/2011

    Don't get me wrong, I think the internet is awesome, but sometimes it helps to totally break from it when you want to work on other things. I've set up 'study' sessions with my friend once a week where I leave the computer at home. It keeps projects fresh and I get a lot done! Hope things start looking up soon for ya. :)


  3. thank you girls :)

    and yes, breaks from the internet are good :) i'm going to start scheduling more.

    also... it's not that things are or aren't looking up. merely that decisions are tough sometimes. believing in yourself is tough sometimes, and life is what it is. it's not perfect. there can be some struggles. and that's okay :)

  4. Did I write this post? Cuz I could have written this post! I think all artists feel this way from time to time, whether your medium is music, painting, photography, acting, whatever. It's a tough calling and it's difficult to make a living, so it's natural to have doubts. But that urge to create, that absolute need deep down inside of you to create.. that's the calling you should always follow. What you do for a living is irrelevant and how society regards your career is even less important. As long as you don't stifle your creative impulses, you'll be fine. =)

  5. you totally get me, ali :)


  6. Don't give up and make the most of this; maybe it'll trigger some great lyrics? ;)

    You deserve your dream to come true!

    All the best vibes your way!

  7. you are such a sweetheart, miki :) xx

  8. I believe anything worth doing leaves us feeling this way. Failures become discouraging but your passion for something you love brings you right back to it.

    Keep at it, I'm a fan of what you're doing.


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