coffee talk | Chantilly

coffee talk

hey girl.

i feel like it's been awhile since we had a real heart-to-heart. you know? thought we'd settle in with an iced tea & sandwich, brought to you by kave cafe...

coffee talk

phew, boy.

the things i'm about to say are part of the reason i felt that i needed to step back from blogging and social media for a bit. i mean... it's the month of my EP release. i should've been blogging and twittering all over the place. but i couldn't bring myself to do it. my mind was screaming for a break.

and i'll be honest... i'm actually a little scared to write this, for fear of being labled as "omgnegative!" but it's something that i feel needs to be said.

mainly... the internet has been exhausting me lately.

i read a lot of blogs.

it sure seems like a lot of the people who write these blogs have perfect lives. i see so much dreamy photography, and hear so much about so-and-so's perfect marriage/ wedding/ baby... and darnit if i don't get the feeling that some of these girls just frolic around in cute outfits, making cute baked goods, and doing cute diy's all day long.

i mean yeah... i can't deny, i love it all. i do. but don't you just get sick of it sometimes?

the unspoken agreement of having an "internet persona" is that it's only okay to share the positive facets of one's life. writing about stress, real-life situations, and "negativity' are big no-no's. but why? isn't there a balance somewhere?

in a way, i feel like many blogs are to modern gals, what magazines were to ladies of yore. the new martha stewart, good housekeeping, and cosmo- and there's a reason why women flock to them. however, they are also designed to keep women forever reaching for unattainable standards... keep them in a cycle of never feeling good enough about themselves, so that they'll keep buying the magazines and products they tell them to.

and i totally get it. posts like the one you're reading right now aren't the ones that bring in the pageviews for me... it's the outfits, diy's, and food porn that does. people love looking at pretty images. and you know what? so do i!

i loooove poring through lovely photos on pinterest! i love reading about amazing and exotic trips. but at the same time, i do frequently get frustrated that my life isn't this way. not even close.

but the part that gets me, is that i realize i'm part of it. through a lot of my content, i'm totally guilty of promoting an idyllic lifestyle which is unattainable to many people. it's a lifestyle that's not even real or sustainable for 99% of people.

as much as i love taking and looking at pretty photos- they are not reality. reality is reality. it is in the small little moments unspoken. reality is very rarely captured in any medium, aside from in the minds of the people who are living it.

so what of it?

am i going to give up reading the blogs i that love? nope. no one's perfect, and i think it's okay to love a blog, while disagreeing with it sometimes.

am i going to change my content? not sure. i find that people love looking at those outfits/ diy's/ etc. just as much as i love posting them.

i realize that i'm relatively small potatoes in both the blogging and music worlds, and what i do or say probably doesn't make a difference to many people. i've just been struggling with what i've been posting, as opposed to what's actually been going on in my life.

and i know no one needs to share everything. and i don't want to. i guess it's just easier to take a picture and say "look at what i made/ wore," than actually sharing something meaningful. and maybe that's okay... until it's not. where the line is crossed, who knows.

that said, i think i'll be back to a full schedule of outfits, diy's, music, cats, and food this week :P

yes, i'm a bit of a hypocrite, but aren't we all...



  1. That was a lovely Chat and this ice tea is just perfection.

    I made a post just like this once, although you said it much better!!

    Amen to all this sister, and whatever you post I will keep reading!

    Happy Easter!

  2. As much as I love the DIY, outfit and fancy food posts I love when people get real on their blogs. Either by doing a post like this (that takes balls and I appreciate it) or by sharing all aspects of their life, not just the perfect ones.

    Anyway I totally agree with your post and I love your blog and will continue to read no matter what you post.

    Happy Easter!

  3. I actually like when people share more heartfelt post that share obstacles as well as triumphs. I think showing that everything's not perfect and that there are sometimes obstacles in your way, makes someone appear even stronger and more admirable to me. Pretty things are pretty, but pretty things that were born of struggle and sacrifice can be a special kind of beautiful.


  4. First off...Your iced tea and sandwich look delicious.
    Secondly...I don't know where I fit in it all. I've gotten into a bit of a pickle because far too many people have heard through the grapevine at my office that I blog and now I am kinda stuck not writing things that could reflect poorly on myself in regards to being a "professional" at work. And I don't want co-workers giving me pity looks if I write something that is less than happy.

    I guess I don't really care either way what people "appear to be" on their long as the content is interesting to me I'm good to go. Whether it's happy posts or not so happy ones. Though if they are posting about cats..I'm much more likely to read the post :p

    I enjoyed this post though! The good, the bad, and the ugly post...I'm there! But then again...I'm pretty easy to please :)


  5. i really enjoyed reading this heartfelt post. i inadvertently took a break from the interwebs because i was working my butt off. i now have a bit of time to spare and you're totally right i must admit going to some of my favorite blogs where the women don't work and just chill out making cute food and wearing cute outfits certainly made me a bit envious after taking a step back. but i recognize that for some their life online is a huge part of their existence and i guess in a way it is work and this is the persona they have to portray kinda like the truman show. okay i'm babbling so i'll stop, but year i hear ya!

  6. I understand the "backlash" against most of those types of blogs. I've seen a lot of posts where people seem to agree that an idyllic life is both "fun to watch" but disheartening after a period of time. I feel like there's a place for everyone, I may not like blogs where people only post outfits every day, but some people do. I guess that's why we get to pick and choose which ones we follow along with. As long as content is interesting (happy or sad) I don't really mind the subject matter :) But it's still fun to chat about this kind of thing! x

  7. I really enjoyed this post. What you said is extremely true and relevant. I think that part of reality IS hypocrisy. We're all hypocrites in some way or another and you admitting that and recognizing the difference between blog content and real life is exhilarating and wonderful. I, for one, would love to read more things like this from you *and* others. These are the kinds of conversations I want to have in real life, and since I don't have the pleasure of knowing many people in my life who I can have these conversations with, I enjoy having at least one sided talks. Then, at least I can ponder the questions myself. <3

  8. This is such a lovely post. :) I have the same thought running through my head as I'm reading blogs as well :)

  9. This was honest. I really liked it.

  10. I like it when people are 'real' on their blogs too. It makes me feel better sometimes to know that other people have the same struggles that I have.

    I try to remind myself that bloggers with 'perfect' looking lives are only showing a snapshot of the whole picture. I'm sure that most of them have the same messy houses and days sitting around in pajamas that I sometimes do. (At least I hope so, hehe!).

  11. I feel exactly the same way as you sometimes- I'd hedge my bets that all bloggers do. People I know IRL have told me how my life seems so perfect and whimsical from my blog, but I only update once a week, so maybe on the other 6 days it is horribly dull and boring. I still have to slave over essays, walk uphill to university in the rain, and do the washing. Like we all do. It's the dreamy whimsical niceness that draws readers in, but I'd like to think I really get to know the personalities of my favourite bloggers too.

  12. Thank you for opening up Chantilly, I think about this stuff a lot too. I feel like I only blog about positive stuff because it seems like no one would want to read about how I don't know what to do with my life and stress about these kinds of things 23 hours a day :) And blogging about happy things helps me focus on the positive, light-hearted things in my life more than I usually would. BUT, that doesn't mean I don't like reading REAL stuff on other blogs. It actually really helps me feel like people are going through the same stuff. Sometimes I have to take a break from certain blogs because I let myself get down about how UN-crafty, UN-stylish, etc I am compared to them. No bueno! Also, sometimes they make me want to shop too much :) Anyway... sorry for writing a book but I'm really glad you wrote this and I think it's important to step away and just LIVE sometimes... xoxo

  13. I feel you. A LOT. The blogging world has seemed SUPER weird to met lately, myself included. I guess what I just wish we could all do is remember why we started blogging in the first place and stick to it. I think the blogging scene changed, and we all kind of thought that to be successful, we had to go a certain way, but that's only lead to this weird disillusionment and frustration that we're all feeling.

    Honestly, I hate that people think blogging about real life is negative. I hate that people are scared to do it because of the stupid, ignorant comments that might come from it. I want the genuine voice to come back to the blogosphere, MYSELF majorly included in that. And I want people to just move on if they think it's negative because it's your blog and your space, you know? But that's not always the case, which is what makes sharing real life kind of scary.

    ANYWAY...thank you for this post. You summed it all up nicely, and your honesty is a HUGE breath of fresh air. I love you, Chantilly!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

  14. This has been an ongoing topic between me and friends lately. It's kept me frustrated and a little annoyed at times. You put into words everything I've been feeling! Thank you for that.


  15. Oh, Chantilly, you're not a hypocrite at all! We all feel like that, I think. I, too, like to browse through beautiful photos and DIYs, but I kind of got sick of checking blogs whose owners seem to have a fairy tale perfect life.

    Maybe they do have mishaps and not everything is so perfect in their lives, but it's tiring to see them only being successful and very skillful and posing in awesome outfits they got for free. Am I jealous? I don't think so, well, maybe a tiny bit? In the past, I thought that kind of blog was my target, the one I wanted to have. I got very frustrated because I wasn't able to increase my readership or because "popular bloggers" never cared to respond to my comments/questions. Now, I can honestly say that I am happy with my blog the way it is. Sure, I still haven't been able to reach the number of followers I'd like to have, but the ones I do have are very, very valuable to me. I can't offer creative tutorials, first and foremost because I'm not that very skillful, and secondly, because I can't even afford the materials. I do post a little DIY every now and I'm usually happy with them even though they're kind of cheap and not nicely photographed. I'd also like to include more outfit posts, but I'm not happy with the way I look and I can't afford to buy clothes often. Ever since I got here, I bought only 3 pieces of clothing and that's all right. Hopefully, things will change in the economic department soon :).

    I won't stop reading those blogs altogether either, but I'm not planning to check them on a daily basis, like I used to. I've never felt so unaccomplished and disappointed in myself and I don't think it's positive for me to see that those girls have an amazingly beautiful blog, the perfect job, flawless lives, somehow manage to stay thin even though they post hyper caloric recipes (hahaha, etc., etc.

    Everybody is free to post about whatever they feel like posting. I think it's healthy to throw a rant every now and then. In my experience, when I did, I got many encouraging comments and useful tips. And in general, unless you're aggressive, such posts bring you closer to people who read your blog. Because after all, you can only have a relationship with someone if you "share"; not when you show off how awesome you are, right? ;) And I would much rather have a few great friends than the most popular blog where commentators are just that and they praise you and your work, but never get to know your real persona.

    I think this aspect of you is what makes you extra special, Chantilly and what will make you shine even more when the rest of the world gets to know your voice. You're talented, kind, friendly and real. Don't ever change or stop talking to us ... or start blogging about flawless your life is, hahaha! :p

    Oh, my! I've written too much! Anyway, it was really nice to read such refreshing post! ;D

  16. i starred this on my google reader to come back and comment.

    Thank you so much for voicing this and articulating so well exactly how i've been feeling lately.
    Everything you said is how ive been feeling. Its kind of a love /hate thing. I love reading/writing blogs but i often end up feeling bad as everyone else's lives seem so perfect and it makes me think what the hell am i doing wrong. Anyway after some deep reflection i've realised that blogging is the modern day glossy magazine equivalent, and also reading this and realising im not the only one feeling this i have felt a lot better. I am me... you are you. Nobodys perfect :) Strive for your best whatever that may be. Be happy :)
    Thank you again Chantilly xx

  17. Anonymous4/09/2012

    So agree with you. I get so depressed sometimes comparing my life to some bloggers...forgetting it could just be one side or fabricated or a really nice filter. Thank you for this. Reality checks are really great sometimes! :)

  18. well said, & not at all in any way shape or form offensive. true, real, & honest. i'd say rock on, but i don't know what music you play. :)

  19. I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes it's just so overwhelming.

    I think that, in a way, it's sorta good, too. I mean, I feel like inspiring people to get up, put a nice outfit on, and make some pretty is such a great thing to do. I definitely love blogs that share the good and bad, though. That's one of the reasons I love Little Chief Honeybee so much.

    Am I making any sense at all?

  20. I totally understand the feeling. A lot of blogs tend to run together because everyone posts such beautiful things and seem so perfect. When I started my newbie of a blog it was hard trying to figure out how to stand out while still appealing to what everyone wants to see.
    You're post has inspired me to change up my posts a bit every now and then. I get kind of bummed too browsing blogs and seeing that someone has the time to constantly photograph themselves in lovely woodsy areas. It's definitely important to remember that they are just photographs after all. Sometimes it even motivates me to get up off my butt and create :)


  21. 1) I applaud this idea a lot. Sometimes it does feel like that, even when those same people remind us their lives aren't perfect and they don't always share everything.

    2) That said though, I'm just starting off my blog, so I'm still learning what that balance is. Plus, my career is not connected to the blog; internet honesty needs to strike a balance. All in all, you've given some food for thought!

  22. its really nice to see posts like this, which show the human behind the pretty dresses :)


  23. Ok, behind on my blog reading. : )

    I definitely agree, and have certainly written this type of post before. The gap between blogging and reality is really disturbing to me, especially as I loved blogs when I found them for their increased realism over things like magazines. Being part of one, however, has shown me just how unrealistic they are. It takes me probably twice as long to get ready on a day when I take outfit pictures (though to be fair, I barely get ready at all the days that I don't) and then there's the hassle of trying to keep my hair nice and lipstick on until I can get the pictures taken at which point it can all go to hell as far as I'm concerned. Bah.

    It's also important to remember that most of these "idyllic lives" are actually dead boring. Do you really want a husband and baby and to live in the suburbs right now? I know I make my life look glamorous too, but it's actually a disaster... I just don't feel like sharing the disastrousness!

    Anyway, good chat, Chantilly. We all get burnt out with it sometimes. : )

  24. oh my goodness i couldnt agree w/ you more and have been feeling completley the same way but i love that you admitted that it's true we love looking at pretty things. this is def something i struggle w/, trying to bring up important, not so happy issues w/out ppl thinking im just a grump, trying to tell ppl what to do, etc etc but you know what? i DO stop reading blogs if it's only pretty pictures & nothing real, so I always love your honest posts like these (& you do look lovely above ; ).

  25. It's so tricky finding that balance, isn't it? Nobody wants to read about Perfect Miss Positive all the time, but nobody wants to read about Debbie Downer either. I think the blogs that I enjoy most share a little bit more of their life than they think the world may be comfortable with, and in the end they find others that are going through the exact same situation, or feel the same way that they do. I like when people share little pieces of their life, and not what they think their life should be like. Keep sharing your thoughts and feelings! They're what make you and your blog so fantastic!


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