September 24, 2013
Long time coming...
Let's play a bit of eye spy, shall we? Here goes...
Notice anything different about this picture?
I debated posting about this, because I generally like to keep my relationship private. But in the end, I thought I'd let you guys know. It is a major life event after all :)
My guy and I, we've been together for a long time. Actually, most people balk when they hear how long it's been. They immediately ask why he hasn't married me yet. But the fact of the matter is, I was the one that was put off of the concept of marriage.
I won't really go into why, but I will say that I don't think marriage status defines a person. I don't think it makes me whole, or validates me as a woman now that I'm engaged. I'm the same as before... we're the same as before. I see so many people flipping the heck out when they get engaged or married, as if it's the only thing it matters in life.
And you know what? It is exciting! It's a wonderful thing! ...
But as women, I hate the fact that we've been taught since we're itty-bitty that our value correlates directly to #1, how attractive we are, and #2 our marriageability. I've been fighting against this concept since I realized it. I never wanted to be "tied down," and I always vowed to find solace inside myself, first and foremost.
What some people don't realize (or conveniently forget) is that being in a relationship can feel even lonelier than being alone. So many people sacrifice themselves in relationships that don't work, just to have someone. In fact, I have experienced this at times in my current relationship as well, which is why I thought for awhile that we might not make it as a couple. It turns out that this was just a part of our journey, and there were some things that we both needed to figure out. But this is part of the reason why it's a pet peeve of mine that some people thing that a partner 'completes you.' They don't. They can't.
But... at some point, i just had to get over it. We talked about this for a long time, and I eventually decided that I had to take the chance... not just to get over myself, but to get over my fears about it. And to finally stop fighting. I don't need to fight all the battles and wrongs of society's view of women by myself. This is my life.
+ What I am excited about is having a partner... a real partner in life, and I never realized how powerful that would be, once made 'official.'
+ I look back and realize that we have been growing together for a really long time, not apart.
+ I know that he has my back, and I have his.
+ We'll always have someone to talk to, and be each other's cheerleader.
+ Always a support. For both of us. And so much more.
I think that long before you ever think about what a partner can do to make you happy, you need to figure out what it is that makes yourself happy. Marriage isn't for everyone, and that's okay.
I never thought it would be for me, but I guess I was wrong. And I'm so glad I was :)
PS, to get all girly juuust for a second... MY RING IS AMAZING. Totally my dream ring :)) xxo
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