September 24, 2013

Long time coming...


Let's play a bit of eye spy, shall we? Here goes...

20130913-IMG_3422
Notice anything different about this picture?


I debated posting about this, because I generally like to keep my relationship private. But in the end, I thought I'd let you guys know. It is a major life event after all :)

My guy and I, we've been together for a long time. Actually, most people balk when they hear how long it's been. They immediately ask why he hasn't married me yet. But the fact of the matter is, I was the one that was put off of the concept of marriage.

I won't really go into why, but I will say that I don't think marriage status defines a person. I don't think it makes me whole, or validates me as a woman now that I'm engaged. I'm the same as before... we're the same as before. I see so many people flipping the heck out when they get engaged or married, as if it's the only thing it matters in life.

And you know what? It is exciting! It's a wonderful thing! ...

But as women, I hate the fact that we've been taught since we're itty-bitty that our value correlates directly to #1, how attractive we are, and #2 our marriageability. I've been fighting against this concept since I realized it. I never wanted to be "tied down," and I always vowed to find solace inside myself, first and foremost.

What some people don't realize (or conveniently forget) is that being in a relationship can feel even lonelier than being alone. So many people sacrifice themselves in relationships that don't work, just to have someone. In fact, I have experienced this at times in my current relationship as well, which is why I thought for awhile that we might not make it as a couple. It turns out that this was just a part of our journey, and there were some things that we both needed to figure out. But this is part of the reason why it's a pet peeve of mine that some people thing that a partner 'completes you.' They don't. They can't.


But... at some point, i just had to get over it. We talked about this for a long time, and I eventually decided that I had to take the chance... not just to get over myself, but to get over my fears about it. And to finally stop fighting. I don't need to fight all the battles and wrongs of society's view of women by myself. This is my life.

+ What I am excited about is having a partner... a real partner in life, and I never realized how powerful that would be, once made 'official.'
+ I look back and realize that we have been growing together for a really long time, not apart.
+ I know that he has my back, and I have his.
+ We'll always have someone to talk to, and be each other's cheerleader.
+ Always a support. For both of us. And so much more.


I think that long before you ever think about what a partner can do to make you happy, you need to figure out what it is that makes yourself happy. Marriage isn't for everyone, and that's okay.

I never thought it would be for me, but I guess I was wrong. And I'm so glad I was :)


PS, to get all girly juuust for a second... MY RING IS AMAZING. Totally my dream ring :)) xxo



Chantilly

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32 comments

  1. Well firstly, Congratulations!! That ring is gorgeous!

    & Secondly, I wholeheartedly agree with your thoughts on marriage. It blows my mind that in 2013 how crazy people can get when a ring is brought into the equation. But then, I am also guilty of feeling like I single handedly need to fight society's views while neglecting to be true to myself.
    -Kait

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    1. thank you so much kait! and thanks for your thoughts on the subject :)

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  2. Congratulations! That is a beautiful ring. :)

    But I totally hear ya. My boyfriend and I have been together an incredibly long time and it's really no one's business why or when we decide to get married so kudos to you for sticking to your guns. :)

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  3. Congratulations! I am currently single and most times I love it. But sometimes other people's shock and expectation at my lack of ever having a relationship gets to me. Thank you for the reminder that I don't need anyone to be happy. "Happiness comes from within, not from men.":)

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    1. don't let it get to you, girl. i *loved* being single, too. enjoy it. if a partner materializes someday, that's great! if it doesn't, never worry and be happy in the wonderful world you create for yourself. xx

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  4. Congratulations. Hope this chapter is a lifetime of fun ::)

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  5. Congratulaaaaaaations!! :) xx
    www.whimsicalmumblings.blogspot.co.uk

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  6. Congratulations! That is exciting and your ring is lovely.

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  7. Congratulations! Your ring is a stunning beauty!

    My husband and I were together nine years before we got married, and we always had the same response from people. I wouldn't change anything about it for the world. The ubiquitous first year of marriage was a breeze - in fact, it was magical! Marriage hasn't changed the fact that we're still best friends, that there's no one I'd prefer to spend my life with. It makes our relationship as married folk all the more richer.

    Congrats again!!!

    M.

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    1. this story warms my heart :) thank you for sharing.

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  8. Oh that's incredible! I've had a lot of the same thoughts regarding marriage too so it's nice to hear that I'm not the only one with these concerns. Now onto the giddiness! That ring is stunning!!! Will we be hearing about the proposal? :)

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    1. ha, the proposal was really not all that blog-worthy :P basically, i was in sweatpants, in dire need of a shower, and eating a burrito. he kept trying to call me all day about going out to dinner, but my phone was on vibrate. he came home and couldn't keep a straight face about it. he was like "Do you really wanna do it this way?" It was very imperfect. Very us :)

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  9. congratulatioooooons!

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  10. First off, congratulations! How wonderful!

    Second, I agree wholeheartedly with what you've said here about marriage... Especially about the messages that girls get taught that looks and marriageability are the most important things in life.

    I married at 22, and we split four years later.... and in retrospect, I feel a lot like I was pressured into something that I wasn't ready for at all. I'm not sure I'll ever get married again... I'm not sure I even want anything that resembles a live-in relationship... but who knows, maybe I'll change my mind.

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    1. thank you for your thoughts nikkiana! it sucks that the marriage didn't work out, but at least you guys didn't try to stay in something that really wasn't right for you. the future has endless possibilities :)

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  11. Congrats! It's also a beautiful ring!

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  12. OOOO! CONGRATS, LADY! Definitely a big life event. :) Jen and I were on the other end of "how long?!" She proposed three years after we started dating, I was sixteen, and we had never met face-to-face. ;) Now I'm 24, we've been married for six years, and together for about ten. They said we'd never work, but we work beautifully together. So will you, and your guy. <3 You know love in your heart. While marriage IS wonderful, as is a wedding, what truly matter is how. you. feel.

    Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I could be anything I wanted to be. I wanted to be a wife, and momma, and a work from home artist. 2 outta 3, so far! Jen's my soul mate - without her, I wouldn't be me. Without her, I wouldn't be on this world.

    Most people don't understand that, and most *can* live without their partners, and aren't defined by them. Jen and I just... are, it's who we are, and what we love. On the other hand, no one should ever question what you believe in, or say you're wrong (OR right.) Because? Everyone is different.

    None of us are wrong, or right - we're simply wrong, or right for ourselves. ♥ It sounds like everything is going 100% right for you, friend!

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    1. angie, i never knew you and jen's full story, and it is beautiful. thank you so much for sharing :) i'm so glad you ladies have each other. xo

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  13. Thank you for sharing. :) Your ring is beautiful. Absolutely perfect! I'm so happy for you! I have always been very independent and happy with not being "attached" to anyone. I honestly never thought I'd get married because I didn't see the need to. But alas...when my husband proposed...it just made sense. And...let's not forget...the wedding dress. You will be stunning in whatever you choose! I couldn't wait to get myself in a short wedding dress...I wish I could wear it every day! :) (I can't believe I've been a wife for almost 7 months!)

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    1. thank you so much jenna!!! yes, it feels very much the same for me and matt... it just makes sense :) omg, my mom is obsessed with finding me a wedding dress... and congrats on your own amazing marriage so far!!

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  14. Congratulations! That's amazing!

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  15. I love everything about this post. Everything.

    Congratulations! Such a wonderful event. :)

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  16. noticed that ring poppin' up a little while ago. it's GORGEOUS. congrats. and thanks for speakin' da truth on this subject matter.

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  17. Congratulations! That is a really beautiful ring.
    I definitely understand keeping your relationship stuff off of the blogosphere. It's emotionally draining to have people judging your relationship based solely on what you post...but at the end of the day, nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, and your relationship is really nobody's business but yours and your partners'.

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  18. Congrats. I think marriage is great. For me it having someone who understands you (most the time), forgives you, and most of all accepts you. Relationships do take sacrifice. When your in it it's hard to tell when it's worth it. Even in marriage. When it's worth it it's so rewarding. Even if for some reason my husband and I no longer work out, I know it was all worth it.

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